(Source: cookiedough10105)
Why am I always so empty inside? What is happiness..because I can’t consistently feel it anymore. There are the great days, and then the unexplained days of emptiness, loneliness, and lack of fulfillment. I have done things right and worked hard to attain things- a good job, boyfriend, apartment, roommates, and good friends. Why is it still so hard to feel happy? Nobody can relate except for those who feel the same things as I do. To them, happiness is simple and easy. Why? Because that used to be me. I was very easily happy. I was always the positive one. It was always mind over matter. But now I’ve learned that emptiness can happen to anyone- even the happiest. It creeps into your life without warning, without reason. So what do I do? I wait it out. I find some positive and understanding hands to hold. I throw myself into the waves and keep charging ahead. Whatever I do, I can’t give up.
I want so much to walk forward and not be afraid of being left behind. I want so much to look up and see someone’s outstretched hand and face smiling at me. I want so much to hold onto someone’s hand and know we’ll be okay. I want some certainty in a world of confusion.
“But I have learned that you make your own happiness, that part of going for what you want means losing something else. And when the stakes are high, the losses can be that much greater.”
-Emily Giffin, Something Borrowed
I can’t unsee what I’ve seen.. just so much tragedy so close to home. I heard sirens all night last night, even though they weren’t real— I think. I can’t even tell anymore because hearing them all day made that incessant whirring a consistent background noise.
And this morning, I can’t unsee what I’ve seen… all these images of innocent individuals in severe conditions. It’s one thing to see damaged bodies and blood in movies, but entirely different to see a real scene and know that these are real people whose lives have entirely changed a different course.
